May 18, 2012

Home?

Home is not a state. I don't really know whether or not to consider Alabama or Illinois as my home state. Home is not a city. I don't really claim Waterman. I don't really claim Florence. It seems a little early to call Birmingham home. I don't feel as comfortable as I once did in Florence, so home is definitely not where your family is. I think Birmingham is slowly becoming my home, but right now I can't be there. In a sense, I feel homeless. 

I suppose, though, home is whatever we want it to be. It can be a place or a feeling or a person. It's anything we want to lay claims on. What does home mean to you? 

May 16, 2012

Counting Calories

This summer, I started using a calorie-counting app for the first time ever. I'm not trying to do some sort of extreme dieting, but I'd like to know what I'm putting into my body. My parents have told me, "Marissa, you're being ridiculous. You're beautiful the way you are." I can't help but wonder if my parents are completely oblivious to the Freshman Fifteen (or, twenty, or well, more).


To me, calorie counting is not about physicality. I count calories because I want to have control over my life. I want to be aware of what I do and how to stop it. Everyone knows that the first step to overcoming a weakness is admitting it. It is not until we admit a problem and lay it out on the table that we are able to take steps towards fixing them.

I am always writing about bettering myself and bettering the world, but these messages do not mean anything if people don't understand how to act them our practically. If we take the time to write down our problems and acknowledge them, we are given a starting point. From there, we can decide to change and start imposing little changes to improve our everyday lives.

What is something that you can improve? What can you start monitoring to change it? Leave me a comment with your thoughts!

May 15, 2012

YOLO

Many people walk through life thinking that people don't change. If growing up has taught me anything, it is that people do change. Absolutely everyone changes when put in different circumstances. Some for the better, some for the worst, but everyone changes.

In high school, everyone had a set identity. You were defined by what your peers thought you were, whether or not it was actually true. In college, you are given the opportunity to create your own identity. 

I blossomed in college. I jumped headfirst into everything I thought was remotely interested. I became friends with a variety of different people, and joined a variety of different organizations. I tried, and I cried. But I lived, and for once created a life for myself.

The majority of people I graduated with are now living the same life as they were a year ago. They have the same friends, they still live with their parents, and they are going to a local college. There isn't anything wrong with experiencing what I like to call "13th grade," but these people are missing out. Everyday, though, they are given a choice to change their lives and they can either take it or leave it.

When you decide to take the opportunity, you will change, but only because you chose to. 

Look at your life. Are you living the life of your dreams? Are you living a life that means something? Not just academically or professionally, but morally and spiritually as well. 

I had lunch with some old friends today, and we talked about the obnoxious trend of "YOLO" meaning you-only-live-once. Somehow, it's become a catchphrase used to justify any questionable behavior. Honestly, though, you do only live once. If you only live once, though, how do you want to live?

Do you want to live chasing your dreams? Chasing boys? Chasing alcohol? Chasing money? Chasing God? 

Most of what we chase isn't wrong, but much of it is futile. Today I agreed with these friends, that this summer we would chase the right things. We will chase God, but we will also chase adventure. We won't live in fear of missing out, but we won't live in fear of failure either. This summer, we're going to take YOLO and live by it. We're going to live lives that we won't regret living. We're going to spend time with our families, and go on silly road trips. We're going to have daily devotions, and dance like hooligans on my birthday. 

No matter who you are or what you believe, you only live once (except if it's reincarnation, then you can just kind of ignore this whole YOLO thing). How do you want to live? 




*photo was found on "ghettoredhot" via Google Images


May 13, 2012

Just See the Things I'll Never Get a Chance To See

It's not that I have low self-esteem. It's not that I am full of conceit. I just hold myself to an impossibly high standard. I hold those around me to the same standard. And I've realized that isn't fair.

All my life, I've been really into self-improvement. I've read those really awkward books in bookstores. I've researched. I've cleansed, emotionally, and physically. I like to wean myself off of things for seemingly no reason.

The thing is, though, it is impossible to be the person I want to be, the person I continuously strive to be. No one is or can be perfect. But I still try. And honestly? Trying has led me into a lifestyle in which I look on myself with disdain. I look on myself with a distorted form of low pride.

Growing up, I was pretty awesome. Not in an obvious way, but because I was so interested in everything. I was nice, but quirky. I did theater, I designed my own clothes, and I was even an advocate for just about every human rights issue.

It was then that I was most passionate. It was obvious to everyone I met in life that I wanted things. I knew where my life was going. I knew what I wanted.

The funny thing is that it seems that the more we grow up, the looser the grip on our lives become. Or at least that's when we begin to realize we never really had control.

When I came to college, I stopped wanting and started doing. I stopped acting as a dreamer and started mapping out of my life. I was so proud of myself for that. I was so proud that I wasn't just sitting around writing blogs about how I wanted to live my life, but actually living it that way. I started giving myself the life I had always wanted.

"Mary's in India" by Dido is a song that talks about how, though Mary is travelling the world, doing things the singer doesn't get to do, that Mary is still missing out. I can't say this doesn't resonate with me. I'm in another city, working towards my dreams, but I'm still missing out so much.

My little brother is almost ten. My sister just graduated college. My older brother is about to have a baby. I think that oftentimes, we forget that as we move, everyone else moves as well.

Moving out was the greatest thing I ever did for myself. BUT it dramatically changed who I was. I now see the world in a different way, a different life, and all these changes aren't necessarily negative, but they can be.

I've been so into bettering myself that I've almost forgotten what that has meant.

May 6, 2012

Going Home...Again

Who says you can't go back? I've been all around the world and as a matter of fact, there's only only place left I want to go. Who says you can't go home?


Well, me. That's who, Bon Jovi. I say you can't go home. Or at least I can't. In three days, I'm going home. I'm walking straight back into my old life. I'll have to move back in with my parents. I'll have to abide by their rules. I'll have to clean the pool. I'll have to babysit. It's not exactly what I've been used to.

The last nine months of my life have been incredible. I grew up faster than I ever could have imagined. I've lived by myself, financed my life, and let go of everything I have ever known. As I turn nineteen and complete my freshman year, I can actually say I feel like an adult, or like I am slowly becoming one.

In high school, I was weird. Not in a negative, "I-eat-lunch-by-myself-because-I-have-no-friends" kind of way. I was just a little loud, and a lot crazy. The funny thing about college is that everyone is crazy.

My ideas of spontaneous road trips and cartwheels at midnight became realities in college. I found people who went along with my silly ideas and loved them. I used to think that I needed people in my life to bring me back to Earth, but really, I needed people in my life to show me that there was a whole universe out there.

Life is constantly moving, constantly changing, and you have to be willing to move with it, or you won't ever leave. You won't ever gravitate if you won't get your feet off the ground.

Another thing I've learned this year is that home doesn't have to be your hometown. It doesn't have to be your biological family. Heck, it doesn't even have to be the same place forever. Honestly, I'm having the hardest time accepting the fact that I will be away from this life for three months. I hate that everything I've worked so hard for won't exist for an entire summer.

The beauty of this mentality, though, is that you can't be drug down by anything or anyone. When you realize that everything is temporary, everything is futile, you are finally free. People and places won't be in your life forever, and that's okay.

I've spent a lot of time in my life crying over what could have been, whether it be a boy, a best friend, or even a dream school. The crazy thing is, though, that I'm okay.

I'm okay without the people I thought I needed. I'm okay at a school that I thought I'd never go to. I'm okay knowing that my life doesn't have to be perfect. I'm okay knowing that I'll do better next time. I'm okay trusting that God's plan is so much greater than mine.

Knowing that I'm okay on my own makes it so hard to go home. It makes it so hard to be still. It makes it so hard to stop moving forward.

Don't get me wrong-- I love my family. They're amazing people. They love me, but they've loved me from a distance for almost a year and I've survived. However, the people I've lived with the past year? How can I be away from them for three months?

The most freeing and depressing realization, though, is that there is not one thing or person in our lives that we can live without.

Like Jewel said, "If I could tell the world just one thing, it'd be 'you're all okay.'"