I feel almost guilty for not blogging for such an immense amount of time. For a bit of that time, I was insanely busy, but not too busy. I had turned my writing over to myself. I have been keeping my journal and letting it be for only my eyes. I guess the safety kept me there.
I tried to give up my love of acting, but I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself to step away from something that held my heart. Yesterday, I saw a bunch of my actor friends in a play, I wanted nothing more than to be apart of it. Seeing shows fills me with such a desire I cannot place. Passion lies in many places in my life, but nothing compares with the surge I feel when I'm involved with theater. I have decided that for me to truly be happy, I will have to stay within my talents.
Actually, I think it's important for everyone to be constantly involved with things they are good at and they enjoy. It helps remind us that we are good for something in this world. It brings a light to hide the darkness of insecurities and a certain peace that can only be accomplished through embracing one's passions.
I've decided that though, I am very blessed, I am inevitably, nothing. Not meaning to say I am useless, because indeed I am not. Rather, I'm just an ordinary person, nothing extraordinary, though we all have the willpower to make that happen, that's besides the point. I decided to audition for a musical this weekend. Well, that is if I'm not going on a trip this summer.
I really REALLY r e a l l y cannot sing, so the fact that I'm auditioning for a musical is pretty dumb. I love to act, like everything, but I feel as if there's no point in trying to act if you cannot sing or dance. It's truly a shame because most actors also have those talents, but not me. No siree, it must be a recessive gene or something. I do like to sing though, actually, I am singing the majority of the time, but I cannot seem to grasp it. I'm begging Mom and Dad to let me take vocal lessons, but I doubt that'll ever happen.
When I was younger, it was always sad that I couldn't do sports. I was completely horrible at ALL sports. Every single one my parents put me in, I sucked at. Finally in late elementary school, my mother signed me up for acting camp and it was a dream come true for me. The attention was like nothing I had ever received before, the thrill from the lights, and the anticipation of the show was a joy I'd never quite felt before. Then I learned a harsh reality of show business, if you can't sing or dance, you shouldn't even try.
That broke my heart. I was in dance lesson after dance lesson hoping I would get it, but I never did. The truth of the matter is, I have no sense of beat. I think I may need to get my hearing tested because I simply cannot hear it. I start to think I can, but then I get way off track. I still would like to get back into dance and see where it could take me.
Maybe I will go places with acting, maybe I won't. I guess without shoving myself into every audition, I'll never know...
