You Deserve This

I'm really bad at a lot of things.

I'm not saying this because I am seeking attention, or compliments, or some sort of cheap assurance from anyone--I'm saying it because it is true.

I would rather have my teeth pulled than attempt any math problem. If you throw something at me, I'll let it hit the floor before I risk hurting myself. I have zero rhythm. My daddy once told me that when I sing I sound like a Chinese guy in a blender.

There are a few things, however, that I am fairly decent at. I can write adequately. I can make just about anyone laugh during the most inappropriate times. I can get completely ready in ten minutes.

Most people are realistic about their strengths and weaknesses. They may be a little insecure about their shortcomings or shy about their triumphs, but generally speaking, we know what we can do well.

We also know what we deserve--which makes the pain that much worse when we do not get something we believe we deserve.

 

Today, a good friend of mine found out he did not get a prestigious position he had applied for. He's incredibly smart, super-involved, and one of the nicest guys I have ever met. He was beyond qualified for the position, but in the end, he still was not chosen. He spent hours talking up the right people to find out what sort of questions would be asked in the interviews and reviewing facts about the position. When the final decisions were made, he had nothing to show for his hard work.  

What do you do after you give what seems like everything you have to someone or something that did not want, or even appreciate what you offered? What do you do when plan A was the only plan?

Well, I'll tell you what you don't do--give up. You can never stop dreaming, hoping, and pursing the what may or may not lie ahead. You cannot lose faith in life or yourself. You have to believe that not only was this not compatible with you, but that something much, much better is waiting for you.

If I would have been accepted into the Chinese Flagship program at Ole Miss, I would not be sitting here writing this in Club Sterne. If I had gotten what I believed I deserved back then, I may not have found my sisterhood. I would be living in a town that does not have much of a nightlife. I would have had dorms that had community showers--shudder.

In my short (almost) twenty years, I have learned that sometimes life sucks and we don't know why. We are not always sure why things do not work out with a guy, or why we are rejected by our dream school. I have also learned that every single time this has happened, what was waiting for me was worth the initial rejection.

So here's to all the things in life that let us down. Here's to the boys that don't call and the emails that start with "I regret to inform you...". Thank you for teaching us about heartbreak, and even more about hope.

Each rejection is only life's way of saying, it only gets better from here. Embrace it.




Here's a similar post from keynote speaker Simon T. Bailey. *This is also where the above photo was found

Just Say No

In tenth grade, as a treat for passing our grad exam, most of my class was invited to eat pizza watch Yes Man. The character played by Jim Carey attends a conference that encourages him to say yes to every opportunity that comes his way. Besides having an awkward encounter with an elderly woman and giving all his money to a homeless man, saying yes changed his life in a quite positive way.

No offense to Jim Carey, but I have found that this semester, a different word has changed my life--no.

I have always been a "yes" person. One of my best friends once told me that I am always down for an adventure. Marissa, do you want to go to this party hosted by this person you never met? Sure. Want to leave for a roadtrip in twenty minutes? Why not? Want to (insert a variety of activities that I do not want to be publicly associated with)? Absolutely.

It's not that these things got me into trouble, necessarily. They just began to wear me out.

It was exhausting to always be on the go. I was tired of not sleeping. I was tired of being best friends with everyone. I was tired of taking any and every opportunity available to me. I was tired of throwing myself into relationships (romantic and platonic) where I gave so much more than I got.

Don't get me wrong--none of these things are bad things. I am so blessed to have had the opportunities I have had in my life, but it got a little old.

Saying no has given me a chance to sleep, a chance to breathe, and a chance to fall in love again. Not romance exactly, but it has refreshed me so that I am now able to fall in love with myself and the plethora of things I was once passionate about.

Saying no to the occasional party has given me the chance to not only gain more sleep on Thursday nights, but also some alone time. When you deprive yourself of alone time, how are you going to figure out your life? How are you going to be able to listen to yourself when you are constantly surrounded by other people?

I must admit that this semester has been a little lonely, but I can't say I mind. I've gotten an "A" on every test I've taken. I've found that running cures my anxiety. I even decided to publish an e-book.

When other people stopped consuming my life and my thoughts, I was able to hear my own voice loud and clear. I was finally able to differentiate between what other people wanted from me, and what I actually wanted from myself. I found that you can be your own best friend, or your own enemy....I'm choosing the former.

For me saying no was about intrapersonal communication. I was always good at saying no to other people, but never very good at turning myself down. I believe that our biggest struggle in life is from within. The only way we can conquer that is through self-discipline.

I believe that we are all caught between the person we are and the person we want to be.

We may never fully get there, and I don't think we should want to. I think we should be constantly striving to be better and the first step is saying no. Saying no to the things that are bad for us. Saying no to the things that make us fat. Saying no to the things that break our hearts.

Only when we begin to say no can we truly say yes to the person we want to become.

Southern Voice

Most of the people who know me now know that I went to high school in Florence, Alabama. My friends know that I was raised in the suburbs of Chicago. I could count on one hand the people who know that I grew up in Waterman, Illinois (a small farm town with a population of about 1,200 people, located 45 minutes west of Chicago).

Though I was born and raised above the Mason-Dixon Line, I can't help but notice that in the past seven years, the South has rubbed off on me a bit.

I will never refer to a soft drink as anything other than a pop or a soda. I will always enunciate the word "pen." I never really mastered the quiet Southern belle persona.

Maybe it's because I've been listening to Pandora's "Today's Country" station, but lately, I've found myself seeking the country lifestyle. There's something attractive about slowing down, sipping sweet tea, and spending your days with family.

This weekend, I went to the Gulf with my little to see her family. Though I now consider Birmingham home, it was nice to get outside of the city for a few days. It was nice to not be running to the next meeting or party. It was nice to completely ignore my agenda. It was nice to relax.

Saturday afternoon, we went to the beach for a couple of hours. The feeling a person gets when he or she goes to the beach is unlike any other. Personally, the beach is where I feel God the most.

Standing with my toes in the water, I was overcome with peace. I looked at my little sister and just laughed because in that moment, nothing mattered. In that moment, it seemed ludicrous that I struggled with anxiety. It seemed insane that I put so much time and energy into things that hurt me or stressed me out. It seemed ridiculous that I chase so many things, so often that really don't matter.

On the way home Sunday night, we listened to "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney. "Best start putting first things first, when your hourglass runs out of sand, you can't flip it over and start again."After I got back to my dorm, I noticed I had a letter from my grandmother in the mail. I almost cried because we don't talk much. My dad informs her about my life, but she doesn't really know me. There's nothing she knows about me that you can't find out on Facebook.

I haven't exactly made my family a priority in the past year. I go home once or twice a semester, and my parents come to see me about as much. I see my older brother once every six months. I'm lucky if I manage to see my extended family once a year. This isn't something I'm necessarily proud of, but I have spent the last year being pretty selfish.

I lived the high life, well, the college version. I told a friend of mine today, that I've already lived that life and I'm over it--I want something more. I don't care how well liked I am, or who likes my outfit, or if I'm seen as everyone's biggest competition.

This semester, I vowed to calm down a little. I've been focusing on discipline and it has been paying off-- I got an A on my first test, I've been sticking to my workout routine, and I'm even in the beginning stages of accomplishing my dream.

All this country is making me think, really, at the end of the day, what is important? At the end of my college career, what will I be regretting? At the end of my life, what will I be wishing I had done differently? Senator Paul Songas once said, "Nobody on his death bed ever said, 'I wish I would have spent more time at the office'"

They may not be deathly ill, but there is no denying that my grandparents are old. They could be on that deathbed any day now, and I want to be right there next to them. Then again, it could be me on my deathbed tomorrow... Or it could be you.

As you go through the motions of life, don't forget to make time for those who love you. Don't be afraid to slow down and enjoy life for a change. Don't blink.

Siempre Solo

We are all waiting for something. We are waiting for the weekend. We are waiting on love. We are waiting on our chance to have that something or someone that inspires us.

This morning, my mother called me while I was leaving the gym, and decided I needed some love advice. She told me, if you're not getting your heart broken, you're not really living. It was the summer that she vowed to not have any emotional attachments that she met my dad. A friend introduced her to a grungy guy with soft hair, and she claims it only took two weeks to know that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man.

Thirty-two years, four kids, one grandson, and a few dozen houses later, she's still with this man. They haven't had the most functional relationship, but they cannot live without each other.

Every time you open up to someone, you are opening yourself up to acceptance or rejection. The hard part is that we never know which it will be. Lately, though, it feels as if my life and the lives of my girlfriends are one giant scene from "He's Just Not That Into You."

Not all of my friends encompass the open-book persona that I do. A good friend of mine doesn't open up to anyone, ever. However, there always manages to be some guy that turns our "I would never" to "I really shouldn't have." Last weekend, she stayed up all night with a guy she barely knew just talking. It was a night of firsts for her-- she even ended up making him breakfast.

It was one of those idealistic freshman love moments that you always see in the movies. To her, it was monumental. But to him? It was just another Saturday night. She doesn't talk about her family, or what she really wants out of life. She did what she swore she'd never do, and she got nothing out of it. Now this guy is barely talking to her, and she found out he had a taste of someone else's...um, bacon.

Another close friend of mine recently met a really awesome guy, or so he appeared. He was chivalrous and he took her on actual dates. They'd watch movies and cuddle together and he would text her all day long "just to talk." They'd grab lunch between classes and he sought to see her every chance he could. That was, until he decided to randomly stop texting her and get back with his ex.

These are two of the most beautiful and wise women I have ever met in my life (I mean, they're friends with me, what do you expect?). However, things never seem to work out for them.

My best friend always says to me, "Rissa, it's going to happen for you, and when it does, it'll be real." And I'm always like, okay, cool, thanks, ain't nobody got time for emotions. The last time I met a nice guy, she said to me, "you deserve this." And you know what? I do. I do deserve for something to work out. And so do my friends.

There's a line in an episode of the Canadian television show Instant Star in which the main character says, "I'm so tired of falling for guys that don't fall back. It hurts.You all say the nicest things. You're so great, you're so nice, but none of you want to date me! So you wanna help me? Tell me what I do wrong. Tell me why I'm so easy to give up, and maybe I can fix it! "

Aren't we all tired? Tired of the mixed signals? Tired of hearing "you're so pretty"? Tired of being charmed by someone who seemed to care but didn't? Tired of thinking that maybe, just maybe he's different?

You know what? AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

No one has the time or the energy to sit and contemplate what someone could possibly mean, or what the hidden message is.

This is the first time I've ever said this, but my mom was right. You have to make time for it. You have to make time for those who may take your heart and throw it into a blender (figuratively, just to be clear). You have to keep putting yourself out there because someone, somewhere out there is glad that it didn't work out with Mr. Sketchy Text or Kiss and Run McGee.

43% of Americans over the age of 18 are single. Now this doesn't weed out the crazies, the gays, the emotionally unavailable, and the generally undateable, but some of these people live in your city, and just might be looking for love too.

Discloser: I do not endorse or suggest putting out a personal ad. It could end badly.

You're Beautiful

February is full of fun holidays--Groundhog Day, Super Bowl Sunday, Chinese New Year, and President's Day. Oh yeah, and there's that awkward mid-month holiday that makes everyone go a little crazy.

Once January flees, our internal clocks begin shouting, "You're going to be alone!" Everyone starts weighing their options, hoping they can find "the one" in time for the most romantic day of the year. We run around hoping to run into a stranger on the street, and create a "fate-ish" movie-like experience.

My freshman year, I met a guy on an elevator that I was naturally drawn to. (I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that he was wearing Cubs paraphernalia.) We talked for a few minutes, and I remember thinking, I want to see this guy again. I never did though.

I coined the phrase "James Blunt Experience" after James Blunt's song "You're Beautiful." The song describes a situation when you meet someone and you're instantly drawn to them, you might not even talk, but they catch your eye. The chemistry is insane, and you don't know why.

On New Year's Eve, a good friend of mine got engaged. A few weeks later when she showed me the ring, she said, "it all started with a JBE."

Call me silly, but I'm a big believer in destiny. I think God, or the universe, or whatever you want to believe is constantly leading us to where we need to be. I think every person we meet was put there for a reason and I believe there's no such thing as a coincidence.

So maybe as we're all looking for our soul mate this time of year, we can be a little more perceptive. We can take more chances, talk to more strangers, and flirt with that cute guy across the room. We can give a chance to that person who's just a little weird.

I am by no means qualified to give advice that pertains to romance in any sort of way, but I've grown to find that when you push yourself outside your comfort zone, amazing things will happen. You could meet the love of your life in the on-campus library, like my friend did.

Henry Ford once said, "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got."

And if you're single this Valentine's Day, it's okay. (Fun fact: I've never had a Valentine.) Grab a friend and get dinner at your favorite restaurant, or stay in and bake heart shaped cookies. Don't let it be something that depresses you, but inspires you. Let it be about showing your appreciation to everyone you love, not just your significant other.