Happily Never After

Earlier today, I was watching a favorite show of women everywhere- SATC. After one episode, one clearly sees that this show isn't made to be realistic. Sex and the City is the story of four girlfriends in New York City trying to find fulfillment in men. Many SATC fans would disagree with this statement, but even as a die-hard fan, I swear it's true.

The sad thing, though, is that though many of the women 'hate' men, they are constantly searching for a man. And if they are taken, they are looking for ways to better their relationship. I was thinking 'life isn't really like this' when I watched it, but is it?

It's wrong in the sense that we don't always get our happy ending. A woman breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 years and the mysterious maintenance man decides he's in love with her don't usually happen simultaneously (no, this is not a SATC episode).

On the other hand, the show is very accurate in showing women's constant need for men. Not all women (but a good percentage) find their fulfillment in men. When a woman gets together with her friends, what do they talk about? MEN (and shoes). It's heartbreaking. It makes me almost be embarrassed to admit I do these things.

Take Samantha for example, she convinces herself that she's above men by sinking down to their level (having lots and lots of casual sex). Or Miranda, who tries to control every aspect of her life, and never really takes a leap of faith to see if the life unattained is better. What about Charlotte? Charlotte's primary goal in life is to get married. She looks for marrying qualities in every man she dates, but breaks her own rules when a cute guy comes around. And Carrie? Carrie makes her living off discussing women's love [sex] lives, and all she really wants is for everything to be okay with her and Big.

It's sad. I'm not saying that we should blame the media for our men-depend society, or saying that anything is wrong with dating, or wanting to get married. No, not at all. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Heck, sex is a beautiful thing (not that I would know). But should these things define us? Should we allow them, let alone encourage, them to?

I love the Y chromosome as much as the next girl, but I think it's our job as a society to teach the younger generation that though having a man is a wonderful thing, it is not the "thing." To girls everywhere who are single, fabulous, and letting their pursuits go to a better cause-my hat is off.

Crazy

Many times people say that so-and-so makes them crazy. Usually it's said discussing the annoyance a familiar member or close friend has caused. In my life, I have someone who literally makes me crazy. When I am around this person, I lose all control. I don't know how to function. I don't know how to control myself. It's so strong, it's almost like I am possessed. Reading this, you may think I am talking about a passionate love affair, but I'm not.

Have you ever met someone who "makes" you go against all you know? Someone who brings out the very worst in you? Someone who aggravates you so much you think you can't breathe? Someone who is so ridiculous that you justify the crazy? I do.

It's a terrible feeling. Personally, my advice is avoid these people, find people who lift you up, who make you want to be better. I have learned that sometimes you cannot avoid the people who make you barbaric. I've also learned another thing.

You do not have to be crazy. You see I have experienced Love so grand that there is no reason for me to be crazy. There is no reason for me to be angry. There is no reason for me to be revengeful.

The more I consider, the more I realize what is really crazy here. What is crazy is that I am so unbelievably blessed and so loved that there is no reason for "the crazy" to exist in my life. I have convinced myself that I won't be okay until I am away from this person, and you know what? That may be true. I may be over it when I get away, but I don't have to wait.

I don't have to wait for myself to heal only because I have allowed myself to get bitter. I recently read a book, and a guy in it had overcome a lot of pain in his life when asked how, he replied "when something traumatic happens, you can either get bitter or better. I chose the latter." (paraphrased)

Isn't that the truth? What I have found to also be true is that I don't have to wait to get better. Maybe if I can get better now, it can help eliminate the crazy. Heck, it's worth a try.

Algo Mas

I'm inspired. I'm sure you're thinking that I have been inspired to write because I am so obviously a writer. I suppose that is true. I was inspired to write. The real inspiration though, is seen through what I am choosing to write.

I have been reading Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. I first heard of these twenty-one year old twins when I read Zach Hunter's books Be the Change and Generation Change. Alex and Brett have written two books, and also hold conferences and write a blog call the Rebelution (http://www.therebelution.com/blog/) Zach has been an active abolitionist and has written three books since he was 15. He is now 18. All three of these books discuss the ability of young people and how we are too often underestimated.

I am a good kid. I take pride in this. I do not do drugs or have premarital sex. I am on Honor Roll, and I have even jump started my college education. I did all my research on colleges, not my parents. Now, I am not trying to brag, but my parents are lucky to have me.

I have a lot of friends. A wide variety too. Some of my friends are in these honors classes with me, some are high school dropouts. All my friends have flaws, and so do I.

You see, lately I've had a yearning for something more. I have a lot of faith in God. I have been his for four years now, but it is deeper than that. I want something more than the mundane details of this life. I want my life to count for something.

As I stated before, I am not a bad kid. When I wonder about myself and my worth, I find it very reassuring to know that I'm "not as bad as..."

Now, sitting here in my room, I must ask, 'does that matter?' I don't think so. I may have believed that a week ago, even said it, but not now. Do Hard Things makes one realize that the teenage years are not a break from society. It is not something that is disconnected from your life. It should be used as preparation for the rest of your life. And the strength, agility and naivety teens possess should be channeled and used for the greater good. This doesn't just mean avoiding the bad stuff, it means going above and beyond the low expectations set for teenagers today. Look at Zach, look at the twins. Look at the members of my Costa Rica mission team last year. Teenagers are capable of abandoning themselves and working for something more. And I want to revive that within myself, and my community.

I WANT SOMETHING MORE. I am willing to do hard things. I am willing to step outside my comfort zone. I just don't know how or where to start. I'm passionate about a lot of things, or at least I was. I can't seem to grasp anything of substance right now. I don't feel forsaken, but I do feel lost. I want to be used. I want God to use me in big ways. I want to do something more, not selfishly, not for a college application. I want to live an extravagant life not tainted with material things, or selfish desires. I want more, and not just for me.