June 10, 2013

To Fill or Burst

Every time I log onto Facebook, I see another friend of mine getting engaged and think to myself "another one bites the dust." Maybe I'm bitter, but the idea of getting married under 25 makes me anxious...and not in a good way.

I'm not really good at relationships.

Actually, I usually don't allow my flings to turn into relationships so it is hard for me to even make that call. Maybe I'm young or just too fickle, but if I think a guy likes me too much, I run. Give me two months to have my fun and rendezvous and I'm through with you. I guess we all want what we can't have. We all want a prize, and the more we fight, the sweeter the prize becomes in our eyes.

Show me a girl crying over a guy who doesn't text her, and I'll show you two more guys texting her while she tells her friends "why are they so obsessed with me?"

Every girl is lying when she says that she wants a fairytale. Nobody wants a fairytale. Fairytales are boring and we lose interest. We want a Nicholas Sparks book--passion, spontaneity, and some huge reason for us to not be with the objection of our affection (military man optional).

We live for the drama--which is why we often hang on too long to a guy(or girl) who just isn't really worth it.

After the initial attraction, a hot body or a nice resume only goes so far. The people we really fall for in life aren't the best looking, the smartest, or even the nicest. The people who captivate us are the ones who never quite give us everything, that are always just out of our reach.

But how does anyone settle down? How does anyone have a happy, healthy relationship based on these ideologies?

Sure, we can start pursuing the "nice guys," the ones who are always dying to get to know us that we barely acknowledge. We could give these guys a chance, but where's the fun in that?

Nobody wants a superficial relationship. Nobody really wants someone who is obsessed, especially before he or she really gets to know us, right? We don't want what is easily handed to us, well, we don't want them after we get what we want from them.

Anything we chase in life runs away.

What if the object of your affection stops running? What happens then? Or our biggest fear, what if they don't? What if the  person is never completely attainable?

Relationships aren't exactly my forte, and I won't pretend that they are. I can't sit here and give you five steps to having a successful relationship because I've never had a successful relationship...or a serious one. I can't tell you how you should grow up and go for your dream guy or girl. I can't tell you to suck it up and stop playing games because I don't know how to do these things myself.

I can say though that I'm ready to play. I'm ready to have fun and make mistakes. I'm okay with talking to guys who may not be my endpoint because I'm not ready for the end. I'm not ready to stop learning and with each relationship (I'm using this term extremely loosely), I learn so much about myself, what I want, and most importantly, what I deserve.

As Carrie Bradshaw once said, "maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with."

So for now, I'm running...not towards anything and not from anything. I'm just running the dash between the beginning of my mistakes and my endpoint whoever and whenever that may be. I'm playing and running and living my life because who wants to be serious?