Having confidence hasn't been too hard for me. Sure, we all have our insecurities, but I'm a big fan of fake it until you make it. Sometimes, we fake it so hard that we don't even know who we are anymore, though. One Dashboard Confessional song states, "You can't fake it hard enough to please everyone, or anyone at all. The refuge that you build to flee the places that you've come to fear the most in the place that you have come to fear the most." It's a beautiful and very truthful song. What happens when faking it just doesn't cut it anymore?
This spring, I was on a downward spiral and nobody knew. I didn't even know. As I drew away from God and from my family, I began to create a little world for myself. I became driven by success and wanted nothing more than to be the best me I could be. Which doesn't sound bad...
But for me? It was terrible. I ended up driving myself to many sleepless nights trying to be something that I couldn't be-- perfect. I wanted to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, and the perfect sorority girl.
The thing is, though, perfect doesn't exist, and when you try to be the best at many things, you end up falling short in almost every situation. My GPA actually lowered and I lost touch with many people. I stopped sleeping very much, three hours a night tops, and I had some freak outs when I couldn't get everything done.
This summer, I have gotten a good night's sleep most nights, I have drank a lot of green tea, and I have even lost ten pounds. I've been making time to read while working full time. I don't drink excessive amounts of caffeine and I feel and look ten times better.
Many anti-dating-abuse campaigns talk about how love is respect. Self-love is self-respect. To fully love yourself, you have to respect yourself. To everyone entering college, and to those at all stages of lives, make sure you take care of you first...Slacking will only hinder you and make you grumpy, promise~
