Riches are Relative

Have you ever been scared to check your credit card statement? Have you ever had to transfer money into your account to buy something for less than ten dollars? Have you been on a ramen noodle diet against your will? Have you ever considered sketchy activities as a means of income? 

Then chances are you're a college student. 

Some days, I get excited just knowing that my bank account isn't withdrawn. I feel like I have been perpetually broke for the last three years.

Can I get an amen?

The truth is, though, I'm not really poor. I'm actually quite blessed. I'm not starving (at least not in the Ethiopian child kind of way). I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to keep me warm. And if we're being honest, I'm not even struggling that much. I may have a hard time buying groceries sometimes, but I never go without. However, I don't have much of a disposable income. 

Why? I just choose to spend my money in ways that others don't. I choose to spend my money on my education. I choose to spend my money to help grow my sisterhood. I choose to spend my money by going on the trip of  lifetime. 

As I lie in bed, stretching out my aching feet, I am happy with the choices I've made and the life I have chosen for myself. No, I didn't want to spend my only break from school making minimum wage at my high school job. No, I didn't want to work 25 hours in three days when I need to be studying for finals. No, I didn't want to spend an entire paycheck on gas to go to Houston only to spend 15 minutes talking to someone through a service window. 

I want to go to Spain, though. I want to live in Europe for four months and unfortunately, that isn't free. It takes thousands of dollars, dozens of documents, and a million tasks that seem meaningless, BUT that is the cost of achieving my dream. 

I do things that not everyone does because I'm making sacrifices that not everyone is willing to make. As irritating as it can be, I would not have it any other way. Today, I'm making minimum wage, but it won't be long until I'm looking at La Alhambra. It won't be long until I'm drinking sangria with every meal. It won't be long until all my dreams come true. 

La Alhambra, Granada, Spain

Tell me, what isn't that worth?

*Picture found on Google Images

Quiet Corners on County Roads

I look out the window of my high school bedroom and see the sun setting through the trees in my backyard. I think of all the memories I had down at that little creek. I think of when my little brother and I discovered the bamboo forest. I think of the day my eighth grade crush asked me to his girlfriend on the back of his 4-wheeler. I think of the times I "slept on the trampoline" because I believed that it's not really sneaking out if you're already outside...Sorry, Daddy.

I always forget how quiet it is here. There are no sirens or helicopters. There aren't people playing  music in the hallway all night. You won't hear anyone say, "Turn down for what!" on this county road. It's more like "Turn down or else" when my brother plays Call of Duty at full volume. Or my sister singing Jewel lyrics while her boyfriend laughs. Or only my bloodhound scratching at the door because I have stolen "her bed" for the week. 

In the quiet, you can't be distracted as easily. In Florence, I'm not constantly yielding texting from friends trying to plan a lunch or coffee date. I'm not listening to my roommate vent about school. I'm not killing time before another engagement--I have all the time in the world to concentrate. 

Conveniently, finals are coming up and I have a ton of homework that needs my focus. However, after a couple of hours, though, my mind starts to wander. What-ifs start to consume my thoughts. What if it doesn't all work out? What if you should have gone done this path? What if you should be doing something better with your time? With your life? 

It is easy to be sad. It is easy to let your thoughts . It is easy to let the wind and the sea pull you away. It is easy to stop fighting and allow yourself to be dragged away by the current. Pretty soon, you find out you're drowning. The fight is five times harder and you realize this might really be the end. You lie in bed with your sad songs, aching memories, and messages that prove the broken relationships you are leaving behind.

Who wants to live like that? Who wants to ache? I guess the ideal answer would be no one, but that isn't really true. Sometimes we want to hurt, sometimes we need to hurt, but mostly, we just need to change the station. We need to find something to make us smile and realize that these thoughts are not reality. These thoughts are not what defines us or who we have to be. These thoughts are nothing more than fleeting moments in our lives. 

In high school, I was quite the dreamer. I read every single day. I would lie in bed planning out how the rest of my life would compare to the the lives of the characters I'd read about. I watched movies that inspired me to go after my dreams. I wrote about five or six half-finished novellas. For five years, I embraced the quiet and the took full advantage of the opportunities it gave me. I have faith that I can relearn this discipline. I have faith that I can remember what it was like to dream, to create, and to simply be.

We have to learn to embrace the quiet and  the things it teaches us. We have to notice that in these softer moments in life, we are given an opportunity to create something new. We are able to create a world for ourselves in literature, in writing, or a time of peace by simply sitting down by the creek. The only thing that matters is that we are the ones creating it and not being controlled by one. stupid. thought. 

*Image found on Google Images, but does look fairly similar to my creek. 

You're the Best

You're my favorite. 

You're my best friend.

You're the only one I can tell everything to.

I don't believe it would be much of an exaggeration to say that as a society we like superlatives. We like to feel that we have a special connection with a certain person. We like to think that compared to the other 8 billion people in  the world we are special. 

I don't really have a "best friend"--I have about five. I don't have one person that I go to for absolutely everything. When I'm upset, I don't always seeks comfort in the same person--I'll call whomever knows and understands the most about my situation that week.

Don't get me wrong--it's not that I am incapable of or do not desire long-lasting close relationships. That couldn't be any further from the truth. I'm just saying that I haven't found "my person." I don't have one person that I cannot live without. At some point, to some extent, I've had to learn to live without every single person in my life. 

I've virtually lived by myself for the past three years. I don't see my parents or siblings more than twice a semester (and that's if we are lucky). One of my closest friends is a girl that I met at church camp, whom I haven't seen in eight years. I've been involved in a few complicated, long distance relationships and I was always the one to fight to make it work. I have spent two summer and a few long holiday breaks away from my sorority family. These times hurt, but I always make it through.

The truth is, distance does not phase me much. I don't think that being away from someone makes them any less important in my life. I don't think that there's one person I cannot live without because is reality, every relationship we have is fleeting. With time, we can learn to live without just about anyone, if that's asked of us.

Maybe this is too depressing for you. For me, though, it is a reality and not one that I find sad. Am I saying my relationships are worthless? No. Am I saying that I don't miss my family or my friends? Absolutely not. I'm just saying that as I embark on the next phase of my life, there is no need to worry about me.

Next semester, I'm moving to Europe for four months...by myself. And that's okay. Am I scared? Maybe a little, but I don't think about it much. I think about how I have been given a once in a lifetime chance. I think about how I will have the opportunity to spend a semester being 100 percent selfish.

Am I going to cry because I'm homesick? Possibly. However, I am confident that I will fill my life with new people, friends I may never see again. I will find friends to travel with, laugh with, and share a drink with.

Wouldn't it be a shame to hold onto something here while I'm experiencing all that?

In January, when the sun rises on me, it will be setting on my family and friends here in the States. However, the opposite is true as well. Everyone will continue to grow apart from me while I grow...and that's okay. They can keep each other company because when you leave no one behind, you leave everyone behind.


*Photo found on Google Images

Double Standards

In every relationship, there's a "reacher" and a "settler". The reacher is the one in the relationship who miraculously landed the person way out of his or her league, and the settler is the one who settled. No one wants to be the feel like his or her partner is the better one, but then again who wants to know that there's something better out there than what we have chosen for ourselves?

Oftentimes, we want things from people that we do not always know how to offer. We ask, give me your everything, but they are lucky to receive even the smallest parts of who we are. We ask them, commit to us, but run as soon as we see the request on Facebook.

More than anyone, I am guilty of this. I am guilty of being scared to admit what I want. I am scared of being rejected, so instead of allowing myself to be pushed off me pedestal, to be vulnerable even in the slightest, I opt to reject those who feel this way about me. God forbid I ever am susceptible to getting hurt.

A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was engaged to be married. It could have been one of those terrible $1.99 romantic e-books—except a little more PG. On paper, my fiance was perfection. He was one of the best looking guys I had ever seen, treated me like a princess, and gave me the ring of my dreams (quite literally). I was so ready to share his last name, until I went home and ran into the guy that I could never have. (Side note: I must confess that both of these guys are fictional. I admit that maybe a dream about people I have never met before is not exactly the perfect metaphor to my life, but dreams are supposed to have hidden meanings.)

There are two types of people you'll have in your life: the ones you'll care about more than they care about you and the people that you will never give the chance they deserve. 

For the latter, we use the same excuses that are used on us, so we know that they are merely excuses—I'm leaving, I'm not really ready for a commitment right now, I don't want to spoil the friendship we have, etc.

The truth is, though, that sometimes there is legitimacy in these excuses. Maybe our personal baggage or complicated situations can be enough to keep us from getting what we want. In two months, I'll be living in Europe and I know that until then, any guy that is in my life has an expiration date. January 22, 2014, I am planning to venture off attachment-free.

Honestly? I couldn't be happier.

I'm not concerned about being a reacher or a settler because I'm just me. Right now, I'm having fun, meeting new people, and not too worried about whether the guys calling me are only in it for the *"R"  but knowing that until a man can prove to me he is worth it—I'm not slowing down.

Whenever forever comes, I won't be asking myself who is the reacher and who is the settler because I'm don't plan on settling, and I certainly am not one to chase after an unrequited love. I believe that when this time comes, I won't be as worried about pride. Because maybe love isn't supposed to be an uphill battle, but rather something natural. Maybe it's not about the thrill of the chase, or being doted upon, but rather being comfortable and making someone feel that same way. Whether I felt that with this guy, the next guy, or the one 30 years from now, that's okay because everyone knows the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Maybe I'll have a story-book romance and meet a Spainard who takes me for long walks on the beach and teaches me phrases that would make my Spanish teacher blush. Or maybe a current fling will stop me at the airport, beg me not to go, and promise to Skype me everyday. Or maybe, I'll get on the plane and spend four months writing, travelling, and going to museums alone, all the while getting to know myself a little better

Maybe all or maybe none of these scenarios will be played out because at the end of the day, my life is not a fairy tale. I'm not waiting on Prince Charming, or the guy who is perpetually emotionally unavailable. I'm living my life, loving myself, and for now? That is more than enough.




*When a friend of mine thinks that a guy is pursuing a girl because he is looking for a relationship, she'll say, "He's just in it for the 'R'."

**photo was found as a product on etsy. 

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Don't You Forget About Me

 The In-Between Book Launch Party, 8/1/13

Dear Jeffery,

So, this is awkward. You're getting kind-of famous. I'm seeing your name on websites I frequent. I mention to my doctor that my brother is a writer and she drops her stethoscope when I tell her that yes, "The Jeff Goins" is my brother. Or when my teacher virtually begs me to get you to even consider Skyping into one of her classes. You're speaking at conferences I'm dying to attend.

Remember when you were sixteen and I was six and you smacked my face against the bed frame and said, "Love hurts"? As blood trickled down my nose, I was sure that you were the worst older brother in the entire world. I guess not much has changed in fourteen years.

Kidding—I just don't want your head to inflate.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be just like you. Except a prettier, blonde, female version. I cut my hair when I was three so I could be just like my Deeder. When it was my time for me to go to sleep away camp, I insisted on an acting seminar because I had just seen you perform on stage (Remember that awkward play where you were a gym coach? Also, the one where you were an Easter bunny) For my sixteenth birthday, I insisted on going with the mission organization that you worked for to have my own chance to spread the gospel and see the world.

I remember lying on your couch at 2AM bawling my eyes out this summer. You asked me to pre-read your new book,The In-Between because you wanted my input on remarkable quotes.You had written in the acknowledgments to my younger siblings, "I hope I make you guys proud."

Wut.

All I have ever wanted in my entire life is to make you proud of me. Most people don't have a sibling ten years older than them. They don't know what it's like to have someone who is more than their confidant or partner in crime, but rather their mentor. A sibling who has gone above and beyond whether academically-- graduating magna cum laude with a double major, or by travelling the world and accomplishing his dreams as a writer.

I read the comments on your blog from people like Mica who say, "Jeff, your words have been the catalyst for me to finally go after this dream. Thank you for publishing your words! They have brought me more than insight and inspiration; they've ignited purpose. I'm forever grateful." People who see you as a push, a light where they knew none, a reason to just keep going. I just want to be like, um no, he's mine. That's MY big brother.

I'm scared that somewhere along the way you'll forget about me. Among the travelling and the fame and the adventures, that there won't be any room for your baby sister (sorry Rhea, I'm younger). I fear that one day I won't measure up to the high standards you've set for yourself and for me as well, that I will mess up and be left behind. I worry that you will push me aside while I'm in Europe because you will become too busy with your own life. I fear that you will look at my life and not be proud of who I am or what I'm doing. 

So what do you mean that you hope you make me proud?

You are my mentor, my inspiration. You were my rock star when you played with your band Decaf at Lion's Club Park. You are my midnight phone call when I want to drop out of school. You are the person who introduced me to Christ and ramen noodles. You push me when I'm being an escapist and make me re-evaluate my priorities when I'm running myself dry. You helped me perfect my Spanish accent when I told you I wanted to go to Costa Rica. You made me the coolest girl in school when your band performed at my middle school in seventh grade. You remind me that no one cares what you used to be about to do, only what you are currently doing. You taught me that church wasn't a building with a steeple. You give me hope that someone out there will wait for me, like you waited for Ashley. You seem to be an expert on everything I love, with the exception of sorority life (but that's what I have a sister). I'll never forget all of our trips to Dairy Joy where you opted for a dipped cone and didn't understand why I insisted on always having a twist. Or the time you gave me your pog collection. Or when you told me that you wished you could have written half as well as I do when you were in college. 

Sometime in the '90s, Waterman, IL

And you know what? If I have to share you with the world, then so be it. If thousands look up to, nothing could make me more proud. If your only supporters are those who share your last name, I would be happy because I knew you were still making sure that your priorities were being a great husband to Ashley and a great father to Aiden. Because the biggest lesson that you've taught me? Success is nothing if it's from this world, if it's created by climbing a corporate ladder, or accumulating things.

So here's to you, J. Here's to the family that stays together through the crazy, but is constantly seeking to better ourselves and each other. Here's to all the times that you have and will tell me, "you're going to be okay." Here's to being an amazing brother to me, and an amazing mentor to thousands. I can't wait to see the man you continue to become. 

I hope that I can be for Patrick what you have been for me.

Love Always,

Poodgie

Get Lost With Me

I'm the world's worst navigator.

I wish I was kidding, but it seems every time I get in a car, it is never a straight shot to wherever I'm trying to go. Ask anyone that has ever gone on a road trip with me, but I usually get distracted and forget to look for the exit. Needless to say, I've grown accustomed to being lost.

Blame my adventurous self, but I actually love getting lost. For me, it is not a road trip if you actually make it there in the time allotted. I revel in the moments that would cause most people to have panic attacks. Perhaps it is the adrenaline rush I receive, but I love the challenge of finding my way around a new city, or even block of Birmingham. I see these times as a chance to become better acquainted with yourself and the people around you. I see them as chances to get to discover something or maybe someone you never would have come across otherwise. 

In the moments we are lost, we truly find ourselves. The moment we veer from our plan is when we are given the freedom to become whoever we truly wish to be. Only then are we given the opportunity to ask ourselves if we really want what we thought we did or if we only enjoyed the idea of it.

Right now, I'm in the process of planning a road trip to Houston, TX to acquire my visa. I'm hoping to make a few pit stops, perhaps in Gulf Shores or New Orleans. I'm not holding any expectations for this trip because I don't want to be let down--I just want to be. I just want to get lost along I65 (and whichever highway leads to Texas.) 

I hope to find monuments that should never have been built. I hope to make Vines with my friends and create memories that I'll be able to relive while I'm away from them next semester. I hope to find a new favorite snack. I hope to change the words to some ridiculous '90s song, making them (even more) applicable to my life. 

I think about every time I have ever made a "life plan" and I have to thank God that none of those plans worked out. I think about every spontaneous experience I've had that has lead me to meet some of the people who have completely altered my life. I think about the relationships that I pursued that left me brokenhearted and smile because none of those people were right for me. I think about when I realized that I could never be a law student and I was not really sure what talents I was left with.

If I'm being honest--I'm still lost. I'm still constantly trying to make sense of the things that happen to me, or to gain control where there's none to be gained. I still haven't found the person that I'm meant to spend forever with. I still am pondering what I want to do with the rest of my life, and hoping that somehow that will allow me to write and live at the beach.

Your life does not need to be in a constant state of shambles like my own, but maybe getting lost is not that bad. Maybe constantly making the wrong turn could still lead us exactly where we are meant to be. Maybe losing the map could allow us to embark on an adventure greater than we could have ever dreamed.

One of my favorite quotes says, "I marvel at how even the wrong choices can keep us on the right path. How the worst mistake can wind up being the best thing that ever happened to us." 

When Katie Klein wrote these words, I believe she was giving us permission to stop worrying. She was telling us to let go of those anxieties and just live our lives. As long as you know where you want to be, you'll be okay. Even if that changes halfway to your destination, then so be it.

At the end of the day, we have to remember that the first step is to just get in the car and go.