Double Standards

In every relationship, there's a "reacher" and a "settler". The reacher is the one in the relationship who miraculously landed the person way out of his or her league, and the settler is the one who settled. No one wants to be the feel like his or her partner is the better one, but then again who wants to know that there's something better out there than what we have chosen for ourselves?

Oftentimes, we want things from people that we do not always know how to offer. We ask, give me your everything, but they are lucky to receive even the smallest parts of who we are. We ask them, commit to us, but run as soon as we see the request on Facebook.

More than anyone, I am guilty of this. I am guilty of being scared to admit what I want. I am scared of being rejected, so instead of allowing myself to be pushed off me pedestal, to be vulnerable even in the slightest, I opt to reject those who feel this way about me. God forbid I ever am susceptible to getting hurt.

A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was engaged to be married. It could have been one of those terrible $1.99 romantic e-books—except a little more PG. On paper, my fiance was perfection. He was one of the best looking guys I had ever seen, treated me like a princess, and gave me the ring of my dreams (quite literally). I was so ready to share his last name, until I went home and ran into the guy that I could never have. (Side note: I must confess that both of these guys are fictional. I admit that maybe a dream about people I have never met before is not exactly the perfect metaphor to my life, but dreams are supposed to have hidden meanings.)

There are two types of people you'll have in your life: the ones you'll care about more than they care about you and the people that you will never give the chance they deserve. 

For the latter, we use the same excuses that are used on us, so we know that they are merely excuses—I'm leaving, I'm not really ready for a commitment right now, I don't want to spoil the friendship we have, etc.

The truth is, though, that sometimes there is legitimacy in these excuses. Maybe our personal baggage or complicated situations can be enough to keep us from getting what we want. In two months, I'll be living in Europe and I know that until then, any guy that is in my life has an expiration date. January 22, 2014, I am planning to venture off attachment-free.

Honestly? I couldn't be happier.

I'm not concerned about being a reacher or a settler because I'm just me. Right now, I'm having fun, meeting new people, and not too worried about whether the guys calling me are only in it for the *"R"  but knowing that until a man can prove to me he is worth it—I'm not slowing down.

Whenever forever comes, I won't be asking myself who is the reacher and who is the settler because I'm don't plan on settling, and I certainly am not one to chase after an unrequited love. I believe that when this time comes, I won't be as worried about pride. Because maybe love isn't supposed to be an uphill battle, but rather something natural. Maybe it's not about the thrill of the chase, or being doted upon, but rather being comfortable and making someone feel that same way. Whether I felt that with this guy, the next guy, or the one 30 years from now, that's okay because everyone knows the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Maybe I'll have a story-book romance and meet a Spainard who takes me for long walks on the beach and teaches me phrases that would make my Spanish teacher blush. Or maybe a current fling will stop me at the airport, beg me not to go, and promise to Skype me everyday. Or maybe, I'll get on the plane and spend four months writing, travelling, and going to museums alone, all the while getting to know myself a little better

Maybe all or maybe none of these scenarios will be played out because at the end of the day, my life is not a fairy tale. I'm not waiting on Prince Charming, or the guy who is perpetually emotionally unavailable. I'm living my life, loving myself, and for now? That is more than enough.




*When a friend of mine thinks that a guy is pursuing a girl because he is looking for a relationship, she'll say, "He's just in it for the 'R'."

**photo was found as a product on etsy. 

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