Waging War

Recently, I was made aware that people actually read my blogs. Wow, I cannot express what an honor that actually is. I have always wanted to impact the world (or at least my three followers) with written word. I have always wanted to start a revolution through love, encouragement. My blogs are usually a dedication to those who want something more, but cannot seem to place it. Or those who are still willing to fight.

Well, let the war begin. 

And this time, I'm serious. I'm making this post a short post because I am tired of writing to inspire while I just sit on my tail writing. I want you to get up right now, and let the war begin. Make a to-do list and start doing it. Stop procrastinating. Stop acting like Marissa. There are great things that need to be done out there and you are the only ones that can do it. WE ARE the only ones.

"Oh, God, let us be a generation that seeks, seeks Your face, oh God of Jacob."

Regardless of your beliefs or your backgrounds, if you're reading this, I believe that you are at least open to the idea of humanism, unlimited human potential. We can be masters of all, achieving great things for causes that actually mean something. No one is asking you to end world hunger, or establish your own non-profit. Just do something. Do not let your life pass you by, with you only wondering "what-if." 

Meanwhile, I will be creating my own grand list, and actually completing it.

endnote: if you need any ideas of where and how to take action, I am more than happy to let you know. Personally, I would start with one thing that seems really meaningful. Also, let me know in the comments what you want to do, and I'll be glad to assist.

Lay Me Down

I've been talking to someone lately that has been struggling with some of the same things that I have lately. Always there to lend my opinion, this is what I wrote to him, on regards to college, parties, and seeking meaning in everyday life:

"Ole Miss is the number 5 party school in the entire country. When I first heard this, I thought two things-"Yeaaaaaaaaaah!" and "oh no!" Then once I visited last year, I talked to some current students, I realized it is so much more than that. The good thing about a state school is that it has so many opportunities. For one, they have many religious life activities, and even a chapel. Also, think about how you can be that good influence and reach out to those around you.

And yeah, this is something that is definitely going on in my life, to a tee. A lot of my friends are like Kelli-smart, beautiful, Christian young women who genuinely want the best for me. The funny thing is most of them are in serious (or generally serious) relationships. I guess, I kind of like it that way. They aren't wild; they aren't talking to someone new every week. There's not a lot of pressure, but of course, there's a down side to that. Sometimes when I am hanging out with my couple friends, I feel so overwhelmingly lonely.

Then again, that is the problem with humanity, we just want to feel good. I'll go hang out with a rougher crowd, that doesn't make me feel as inadequate. They smoke, drink, some even do harder drugs. The funny thing,though, is not what these people do when I hang out with them. It's what I do. I flirt with guys in the wrong kind of ways. I am dying for a hit, even though I don't smoke. I make references to my rougher past, almost trying to fit in. I gossip. I'm judgmental. Sure, I don't do "bad things" but I don't act like I am filled with the joy of the Lord. The craziest thing, though? I drive home crying.

Being around people like that doesn't make me feel full. Sometimes, I don't even have fun, but I can just get so lonely sometimes. I realize that good people do exist, and that I need to fight harder for them. For instance, I'll arrange "girl nights" where just a few girlfriends come over and we eat pizza and watch movies. That way, I don't have to be surrounded by mushy gushy crap, but I still get to see my friends. It's hard to be single and a Christian. Actually, it's just hard to be single in general. The world keeps spitting out at us that we need someone to feel complete, and the world's not lying, but remember that person is God.

Some lyrics that really speak to me are the Wreckers "Lay Me Down," one line says "so shut your mouth and hold me close, we both know it's better than being alone. I don't mind killing time..."( here are the rest of the lyrics http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/wreckers-lyrics/lay-me-down-lyrics.html) That just breaks my heart, but it's so true. Sometimes, we don't even care if it's real, we crave affection.

I encourage you to read Song of Songs, 2:2 says "do not arise or awaken love until it so desires." God's has someone waiting for you, someone who will give you their everything, and you will give yours in return. Someone who will be your eternity. Until then, seek Him."

Melodrama

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to play this game anymore. I don't want to walk around acting like I actually want to live the American dream. I want something more.

I don't want to earn an MBA and work in a fancy office somewhere. I don't want to work on Wall Street. I don't to be a professor at an Ivy League university. I want something more.

I want to feel alive.

I love that as a woman and a person of a low-income family that I have the opportunity to go to college. That's so awesome. Everyday, I am thankful for all my rights. I am thankful to be an American. Just because America is great doesn't mean we should neglect the rest of the world.

As a high school senior, everyone is asking me what I want to do with my life. I have three very short simple answers. I want to travel. I want to write. I want to help people.

I don't want a lot of money. I don't want to be a member of my local church and chamber of commerce. Those are very respectable, very important things, but I want more. I need more.

My parents are trying to make me into the things that they wish for themselves. They are wishing a better life on me. They just want me to successful by society's terms. I may seem like just another melodramatic writer, but I'd rather stick my head in the oven.