Happiness

Growing up, I wanted to be an actress. As a got older, I wanted to be a lawyer. And now? Now, I just want to be happy.

I can't help but think of John Lennon's view on happiness:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

Everyone is asking me what I'm doing with my summer, and I'm like, well, I went home. I'm sleeping, watching Army Wives on Netflix, and I'm spending time with those that I love.

Actually, that's still selling myself short, I'm continuing my internship with College Fashionista, I'm working 30ish hours a week, and I'm publishing an e-book.

Many of my friends stayed behind to take summer classes or went off to begin a cool internship, and I'm stuck living a life far too familiar. And the weird part? I'm okay with that.

Last month, I was walking along the beach with a friend and I told him that I wanted my life to be a  country song. He asked which one, and I said any of them.

I am ready to stop living this chaotic life--or at least slow down a little.

Earlier this semester, I interviewed a senior for a class assignment and when I asked her if she had any regrets, she said that she wished she had taken things more slowly, taken more time to enjoy college.

A year ago, I knew exactly what I wanted with my life. I was going to major in Public Relations, move to Washington D.C. and become a publicist for a politician-- and that was only Plan B. Now? I have close friends that are pre-med, pre-law, pre-pharm, etc.

And me? I'm pre-beach.

Two years from now when I embark into the "real world," I foresee that reality containing the ocean. Maybe, I'm just in a transitory period of my life, but right now, I think I would be content with just living at the beach and writing enough to keep food on the table and a roof over my head.

This morning, my father and I were eating breakfast on the front porch and talking about wanting to move to the beach. He said that he recently read somewhere that if we keep vacationing in the same places, if we keep seeking the same escapes, why not move there?

No other outlet expends the clarity I feel when I feel the tide brush onto my feet. As much as I love Birmingham, you can't see the stars there. In the city, I walk outside my door and hear helicopters and sirens. I don't hear children playing or couples laughing while holding hands as they walk the shoreline.

I don't want to live my life workday to workday waiting for the weekend, or my next vacation. I want to wake up everyday and be happy with where I am, what I'm doing, and how I'm living. I want to spend every morning running along the beach and end every single day with my toes in the water.

I don't think it's too much to ask to experience this serenity everyday. I don't think it's too much to want to be happy. I don't think it's settling to prioritize these things, but rather essential.

Because on your deathbed, you aren't going to wish you could have worked more, or done more. You are going to wish that you spent more time loving who you've let yourself become. It won't matter if I went to Columbia's law school or if I moved to Gulf Shores. How much is it really worth to have had an impressive life if you're not happy?

So, what am I doing with my life? I'm living in pursuit of happiness. For me, right now, that's enough.