I'm All In

We win some. We lose some. And sometimes--we get tails.

Life's a gamble.

Finals week seems to bring out the worst in everyone. Something about exorbinate amounts of stress, lack of sleep, and caffeine overdoses make everyone a little edgy. All we want is a nap, and maybe a drink.

This past week has been a whirlwind for me.  My cousin got married at the beach last weekend. I had a great time in Gulf Shores, but as soon as I got back reality catapulted into my face.

My to-do list is a mile long. My roommate won't stop singing opera or taking four hours to do her hair in front of my mirror. In the past four days, my hair has caught on fire, I choked on a Splenda packet that fell in my coffee, I ruined two batches of bacon, slept a total of ten hours, and I almost burned my hand off trying to get some taquitos out of the oven.

Needless to say, the struggle has been real.

However, there has been little glimmers of hope--the stranger in the library who told me to keep working hard on my essay, texts that have made me smile, free cake at work, and creepy snapchats from my friends.

Newton's law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If something goes wrong, something will go right shortly after that, or maybe that's just me being optimistic.

When we meet someone or when we attempt something for  the first time, we are essentially saying okay, this is who I am and what I can do--is it enough?

We are being tested and we are testing ourselves--we are taking a risk. Too often we hear this and take it for granted. We like to think that for some reason, we are the exception as opposed to the rule. That no matter what logic says, we will walk away unscathed. For some reason, this situation is different. For some reason, this guy is different.

You have to be prepared for whatever comes your way. You have to be prepared that once you jump from the ledge, someone may be there to catch you, or you may fall. Just because you fall, though, doesn't mean that you won't still land on your own feet.

You have to be prepared that sometimes, you'll stick your hand in the toaster oven and cry out. But you know what? Those taquitos were worth it.

Sometimes we worry too much about winning. We worry too much about caring the least and having the upper hand. Too bad high reward comes from high risks.

I have faith that I'm going to be okay. If I put everything on the table, I will either win big or go home empty-handed. I'd prefer the former, but when you have nothing--you have nothing to lose.

So, tonight, I'm playing all my cards. I'm putting myself out there knowing that there's a chance I could be rejected.

I'm not going to walk away asking if maybe I sucked up my pride, I would have won big. I'm not going to waste my life asking if I could have done better had I not been so afraid. With the exception of hard drugs, I have realized that you can live with yourself much easier knowing you made a mistake than knowing you didn't even try.

Blair Waldorf once said, "I'm all in and my bet's on us."

Blair's a prideful creature, much like myself. If she can set that aside to chase her dreams, then maybe I can too. If I can forget about my fear of rejection, I won't have to wonder if I missed out. If I pursue the opportunities given to me, maybe I'll become Editor in Chief of Cosmopolitan...or maybe I'll just be living in New York City eating ramen in a studio apartment (which would still be an improvement than eating ramen in Ratchet Rast).

Take a deep breathe, put on some lipstick, and go get 'em, tiger--it's all you can do.