I Ain't Settlin'

Oftentimes in life, we settle without realizing that we are.

Lately, I've been thinking about settling, in terms of not just relationships, but also in the context of who we are choosing to be. If we aren't being the best version of us we can be, we are, indeed, settling. If we aren't seeking things that make us feel whole, we are settling. If we aren't chasing lasting things, we are settling.

Are we going to take the cheap and easy way out? Are we going to get wasted when a problem arises? Are we going to seek comfort in a boy when our hearts hurt? Are we going to run to the things that make us feel good?

Not all escapes are bad, but they all are escapes. Escaping is cheating yourself. When you live a life in which you are constantly escaping, you are choosing to avoid living life. You are choosing to avoid not just pain, but meaning, longing--true human emotions.

With relationships, we all know when we are settling. We can look at the person we are dating (or whatever we choose to label this thing we do), and know if we could do better. We know when we are being treated poorly. Sometimes we make excuses for people because in our minds settling is better than being alone.

But why do we allow society to feed us these ideas? Why do we feed into it? Why don't we fight against it?

Why don't we respect ourselves enough not to settle?

I'm in college and I'm single. Actually, I've been single my entire college career, and most of my life. I may not be the prettiest, or the smartest girl around, but I most certainly have had opportunities to date. However, I don't just want a boyfriend;I don't want to date someone just to date them.

Last night, my best friend from high school said the most simple, yet touching comment on relationships, "I'm tired of boys wasting my time." Even more than that, though, I'm tired of wasting others' time.

I'm not saying that I'm ready to walk down the aisle because that is most certainly not true. I'm not even saying that the next guy I really like will be my forever, nor do I want him to be. I'm saying that I don't want to date someone who has absolutely no chance at being that person for me.

The same rings true for friends. I don't want to fill my life with people who dress well and have a good time, but aren't there for me when it really counts. There is so much futility in life that we need to make sure the relationships we have with ourselves, our friends, and our significant others mean something. We need to make sure that we aren't wasting our time because we don't have much time to waste.

When my children grow up, I want to tell them I had a wonderful college experience. I want to tell them I (mostly) made decisions to be proud of. I want to tell them the people in my stories are the people they know and trust. Maybe, I'll even be able to say that my first real relationship was with the man they call father. I may be an idealist, but that doesn't mean the ideal is unachievable.