Better Than You

I'm a really trusting person.

I can blame it on my astrological sign or my small town upbringing, but I live my life as if everyone is innocent until proven guilty. I am a very open person and I mistakeningly expect everyone else to be.

I'm not exactly a creature of mystery. I don't act coy. I have always said, this is who I am and what you see is what you get.

In the past couple months, though, I have realized that this isn't necessarily the way to go. You cannot simply offer yourself on a silver platter and hope someone chooses to oblige. No matter how hard you try, no matter how well you do, your offer may rejected, or worse--your trust betrayed.

Because of my fixation with self-improvement, I made somewhere around ten New Year's resolutions, but my biggest one was to not give people more than they deserve.

Trust is not something that is just handed out like flyers in the dining hall. When you start at a new job, the owner is not going to hand you the keys to the place on your first day. When you meet someone for the first time, he or she is not going to spill out their insecurities, fears, and former heartbreaks.

Of course, there are exceptions. Tomorrow, I could easily go to Chicago and be serenaded in the middle of a parade. (Except that I'm not planning to go to Chicago, and I don't think there are any parades happening, but Carpe Diem, right?) I could meet an attractive soldier that falls in love with me in less than two weeks. Considering Nicholas Sparks and John Hughes are not writing the script for my life, I do not foresee these events happening.

This semester, I've gained a lot of respect for myself because I have chosen not to pursue relationships with friends or guys who aren't actively trying to be in my life.

I'm not bitter. I have just accepted that 9 times out of 10, I am not the exception. We are fed love stories in romantic movies and we hear the tales of a friend of a friend's whose husband met her when she was his call-girl during his first marriage. We hear about our friend who has been "without labels" with the same guy for a year and he finally took her on a cruise vacation where he proposed.

In reality, though, I see a different friend crying on a weekly basis because she doesn't understand why a guy won't call her back. She doesn't understand what she did wrong because she has been trying so hard for days, or weeks, or months, and he still doesn't seem to be happy. I see girls stay friends with other girls who use them for their closets, or connections, but ignore their calls when they're hurting.

The truth is--people suck. People are going to break your heart. People are going to make you want to punch objects (or people).

Before we lock away our hearts and throw away the key, we have to acknowledge that there is some good in this world. Though I'm not the exception, I've realized that I'm still exceptional. I have wonderful people in my life who tell me so everyday.

When I began to let some of the sketchy people go, I was scared of the relationships I might lose. I was worried that I'd lose opportunities and friends that I had fought for. However, I gained so much more than a better sense of self-worth or self-respect. I have friends who give as much as they take. I have people in my life who spoil me and surprise me and make me a priority.

The background of my phone currently says, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." These words by C.S. Lewis remind me every single day that I can't dwell on the past, I can't question the what-ifs, and I can't keep people in my life that continuously let me down.

I'm better than that, you're better than that, and the people we are waiting to become and the experiences we are awaiting are worth so much more than that.

*photo was found on Instagram and is derived from a Will Smith quote