Bye, Bye, Baggage

My bags are packed. My boarding pass has been printed. I've sent the "OMG" Snapchats and I'll miss you texts. I've cried tears and laughed until I felt like the stitches from my wisdom teeth were going to bust. I've given the tightest hugs, said the most sincere goodbyes, and had quite a few "Where is it?" panic attacks.

I guess this means it is time to go. 

Tomorrow, I will be getting on a plane to go to Madrid. Talking about moving to Europe without any friends or family is one thing, but actually doing it? It may or may not be a little terrifying. In a matter of hours, I'll be boarding a flight to Europe with nothing but the suitcase my mother bought me. 

As I've had to condense my life into a suitcase, a carry-on, and a large "purse," I've been having to heavily consider what I can and cannot live without. I find myself throwing away objects I once found sentimental or giving away event t-shirts that had just wore thin enough to be comfortable. I've noticed that I've let some people fade from my life.

I'm able to say that I'm leaving without any romantic attachments...unless some potential Prince Charming is going to show up outside my gate and beg me to stay (Spoiler alert: I won't stay, but I'd still appreciate the gesture. I've always wanted a storybook romance, just saying).

Single doesn't mean I didn't have some hard goodbyes though. I think about how my younger brother asked, with tears in his eyes, why I had to leave. I think about having to watch my little's yellow Mustang pull out of my driveway, or my best friend making me promise to go on a beach trip with her as soon as I get back.I think about my sister-in-law and my aunt reminding me that I better write everyday, so that I'll have material for the book I'll inevitably write.

A motif in midst all the messages are questions of fear and excitement. I'm scared that the airline will lose my luggage or I'll forget all the Spanish I've learned. I'm scared that I won't be able to find a hairspray I like or that my roommate and I won't get along. I'm scared that one of my littles will need me. I'm scared that I'll miss out on life back home.

For every scary thought, though, I have three excited ones.I'm excited about being given the opportunity to be more selfish than I ever have in my entire life. I'm excited about being able to wake up in the morning and wander streets that are older than Jesus or visit a museum where the paintings of Picasso are. I'm excited to improve my Spanish and enhance my education in a way that most people don't. I'm excited to share movie moments and sangria with strangers. I'm excited to be legally allowed to drink (and I have no shame saying that--I heard Jesus drank wine). I'm excited to get lost, to find love, to feel alive. I'm excited to do the things that most people only see in movies.

The biggest thing that both scares me and excites me is that I'm going to find something I cannot live without. Whether it be a lifestyle (daily nap, please), a gorgeous Spanish boy, or a favorite wine. I'm scared because every "phase" we encounter changes us, moves us much more than we could ever expect. I'm scared of the inevitable changes that will take the person I am today and mold me into something greater than I knew I could be.

Fortunately, I can acknowledge and be open to these changes. I'm letting go of my past regrets and unstable relationships in hopes of finding something better in Spain. Maybe I'm a dreamer, but that's okay. I'd rather be a dreamer than be someone irrevocably jaded.

As I reorganize my suitcase to try to fit all of my sundresses and scarves inside, I can't help but wonder if I've over packed. I realize that if I leave a little room in my suitcase, I'll have more room for the things I may find in Spain. So, as I pull a few things out of my suitcase I swore I "needed," I imagine myself browsing through a Spanish market picking out a new scarf. I replace a few sorority t-shirts with my sketchbook and shift  a few things around. Four months is a long time to be living out of a suitcase, but it is far too long to be holding onto home.

I once read, minimalism isn't about forgoing the value of things, but rather by choosing to have less, you are giving more value to the things you own.When we get rid of all our extra baggage, we are free to do so much more with our lives. I am free to fall in love...or to travel the world.

When I get on the plane tomorrow, I don't want to wonder whether or not I left something important behind. I am going to own the choice I have made because I won't be able to turn around. I won't be able to ask my mother to ship me something or send me money to find another one just like it in Granada.

I'm still packing the paper thin t-shirt that my brother bought in college and the dress that makes me feel like Beyoncé. There's nothing wrong with having "things" or being the kind of person who likes to shop. You just have to ask yourself, am I holding onto something that isn't quite worth it?

If we gave up all the things we were holding onto, what would we have room for in our suitcases? In our hearts? In our lives?

*Image found on iheartinspiration.com