This Is It.

In less than two weeks, I'll be a high school senior. I'm terrified. I feel like I should be scared because I'm leaving my friends and all I know, but then again, I've done that before. I can leave easily. Leaving isn't hard. Preparing to leave is what's hard.

This is my last chance to make an impression, to make things right, and to prepare for the future. I'm not dying so this is so much more than an ending; it's a new beginning.

What legacy will I leave behind? What loose ends will I be able to tie together? Will I be able to tell the guy I've liked since sophomore year how I feel? Will I finally achieve my desired grade point average?

Will I get accepted into my top choice? Will I receive enough financial aid? Will I prove to admission officers, my peers, and my teachers that I am good enough? That somehow I'm not just another face in the crowd?

Knowing this is scary. Knowing that it's all going to change is scary. A lot of my friends seem to be so content with their life. They know where they fit. I've never fit in, and that hasn't really been a problem for a couple of years, but what about now?

Senior year is about having "unity" with your class. I realize I may never see these people again, but is that a reason to act like I'm best friends with people who have rejected me for 5 years? I don't plan on being on bad terms with anyone, but all "buddy-buddy"? Come on...

On the other hand, I'm trying to convince people that somehow I fit in at a place with people I've never met. I don't even think I can fathom the emotions I'll be feeling this year. Will I be able to tackle tasks that are so unlike anything I have done before? More importantly, can I convince other people I can?

Is senior year about something ending or beginning? I don't believe it's as simple as an either/or. I already miss the things that once were, but I'm dying for a chance to see what's ahead. No matter what happeneds this year, I've got good friends and a God that's on my side, and we're not going quietly into the night.

Eenie Meany Whiny Moe

On the way home from the fireworks, one of my friends told me I was 'whiny.' This took me aback. Me, whiny? How? When? She explained that whenever I don't get what I want, I sulk.

My first thought was, "so?" Of course, I'm not going to be happy when I don't get what I want. Obviously, I chose said thing because it was what made me happy. Is that such a ludicrous theory?

Now that I've had time to think about this, and set my emotions aside, is it okay for me to sulk? Sure it's natural, but is it okay? And if it's okay, does that still make it right? I guess this all depends upon what a person believes.

What message am I sending out to others when I sulk? What am I contributing when I sulk? Who benefits from this? I suppose I do, but either the person gives me my way (and I feel bad) or they don't and I'm still unhappy. There's not really an upside to the situation.

As a Christian (and a human being), I should be willing to lessen myself (and be happy doing so) for the benefit of others. I think a lot of us don't have that hard of a time doing things we don't want to do, or giving up things we want. Yes, these things are hard, but the real battle is doing these things positively. This reminds me of the movie The Break Up. During one scene, Jennifer Aniston's character tells Vince Vaughn's character that he should want to do the dishes, and he replies, "No one wants to do the dishes."

Of course no one wants to do the dishes. Of course no one wants to change the radio station when their favorite talk show host is on. Sometimes, we have to do these things. We have to lessen ourselves to make someone else greater. We have to lessen ourself to make our God greater. Because if not for selfless love, what is our God? What is our relationship with Him?

"If we are the body, why is His love not showing them there is a way? Jesus is the way."

Through our love, what examples can we set? As Christians and as members of the human race, how can we love a world that is just waiting to destroy us?